Futile in hindsight

As an adult I can now look back and appreciate the scope of life's challenges my parents and other working class citizens in Samoa faced. When I graduated from University and realized the type of money my parents earned during their working years I was horrified. I understand now why my father was so tight with money. But ironically, ours is a story of creditable adequacy. There were many others who were worse off than us. My dad ran a tight ship but we were never at any point without anything we needed.

My own family life is vastly different to that of my childhood. Currently in my parent's house we have the same living room furniture, dining room table, beds and linen, pots and pans from my childhood. My father would fall off his chair if he realized that in 8 short years in my house we have changed our living room and dining furniture three times, we have three TV's (not counting the one I gave away because it was crowding the house), three cars, my children change clothes almost every year, four computers, five iPods, Nintendo Wii, XBox 360, and the dagger in his heart would be that we eat out two-three times a week. I never recalled as a child my family going out for meal. That would be just too much for my dad to stomach. Conversely, my own family's consumerism is through the roof and I am guilty as hell. Yet my children think we never buy anything!

There's something to be admired about my parent's generation. They were frugal and knew how to save for rainy days. They knew hard times. They grew up in modest households, lived through the war in the Pacific, and top of it all raised their families. There were many like them and they were all admirable. A quality lost in today's "instant gratification" Generation X.

In my short stint as a Public Servant in Samoa I realized how grossly underpaid most admirable professions were. I thought back to my former teachers and realized why none of them had fancy cars, or why they took the bus to and from school. I learned a lot from school. I've had some great, and not so great, teachers. But for the most part I had a good run.

Sometimes I've wondered what has happened to some of them. Some I know are right where we left them twenty or so years ago. Then there's somewhat of a haunting memory I have of an experience I had involving an elderly teacher. Once I was standing in line in a popular supermarket, I recognized a teacher who taught in my primary school getting ready to pay for her items. She was not my teacher but I recognized her from my old school. She was two places in front of me. The cashier tallied up her items and told her a total not within her expectations. She stood quietly for a minute in the midst of the shopping chaos and then politely asked if she could return some of the items. The cashier obliged, she paid for what she could then walked out the door. The whole time I stood there like the gutless fool that I am and did nothing. I could have easily stepped in and paid for it. Its the least I could do. I was a young professional, unmarried, and well paid by Samoan standards. Maybe it was because I didn't want to draw attention to myself or maybe I didn't want to offend anybody, or maybe it was because I was a fucking idiot. Sometimes its the small things in life you want to take back. Hindsight is a mixed bag. Sometimes you look at it and laugh. Sometimes you look at it and cry.