Good and Bad days

Sometimes I think life is beautiful. Sometimes I think life is harsh. I envy those who have a constant positive outlook on life. I envy them because I know how hard it is to sustain. There is a notion  you often hear about one making it. I have often thought about my personal situation and wondered whether I've "made it". I've finished my schooling, got a University education, have a fairly decent career, family, etc ... In the spectrum of life accumulations those would probably have to be pretty high up there. I have not really explored the space of business though. I never really considered myself a businessman because I don't really have the demeanor and secondly I am not very good at soliciting people's money! I think I'm a little bit too honest. Most of all I think I am a little bit too conservative.

If I had to define myself I would say I am a simple guy who contradicted his fate by choosing the complexity route. Sometimes I do wish I had taken the simple route. Stay home on the islands, maybe engage in a little subsistence agriculture and do the things I love most which is being close to nature. After all I am an island boy at heart. I can't help but wonder sometimes if I am a disappointment to my father. I think maybe because he saw something in me that I never did. Sometimes I do regret my prevalent mentality of doing "just enough". I think father's want to see their sons excel. I know I do of my son but is it fair when I myself am guilty of the very thing that all derelicts with great potential succumb to? My pile of ponder gets the best of me sometimes.

Some days I am confident. I can grab life by the horns and control my own destiny. Some days not so much. I am afraid of tomorrow and whether I would be up to face the challenges a new day brings. There are other people that depend on me being able to fight the daily battles. I am here because of them and they are here because of me. My job is to maintain that balance.

Have I made it? The answer is I don't know. But what I do know is that there is no proverbial "made it" point. Its about transitioning and adapting to the different circumstances in your life and then deciding whether you want to move up, down or stay the same.Which way is really up to you.